FRIEND: Does Simon get upset reading your Goldberg story? ME: No. Definitely not. He knows Kyle isn’t him. It’s not at all biographical. Okay, the stuff about the ants and Laser being pregnant in a hot climate, and the credit card thief, and the parkay floor, and the self-help—based on reality. True. But there is [...]
Previously on Goldberg She curls up on the apartment floor. Kyle will be home in an hour and no doubt be perturbed to find the apartment in the same state of disrepair. She sighs and waits for the shower. But the tears don’t come. No catharsis. “Shitballs!” She heaves herself to sitting and considers her [...]
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Friday, November 14, 2008
From the beginning… She is going to have to plan her escape. It’s either make a decisive move or be forever glued to this couch with Goldberg reciting the rules of her defrauding business, panda slippers bobbing. She considers her options. Pummel Goldberg with a heavy object, distract her with a task, or simply run. [...]
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Goldberg: Fraud Artist “Listen, Laser,” Goldberg says firmly. “If you’re going to keep fainting, we’re not going to get anywhere.” Laser can’t help but agree. She nods and forces herself into a seated position. Shitballs! Why is she trying to accommodate her captor? She has always been ‘way too nice. More for her therapist. How [...]
Goldberg: She Speaks This time she sits up with a jolt. “Goldberg,” she calls into the hot apartment air. “Yes?” Goldberg pokes her head out of the kitchen, revealing a coral nightie and big panda slippers. She appears to have slipped into something more comfortable while Laser was busy fainting. Her legs are hairy, but [...]
Goldberg: Shitballs When she comes to, she finds herself face to kneecaps with the creature. The she-male looks concerned and is hovering at an uncomfortably close distance. Beside her wheelchair is a bucket of washcloths. Laser notices the multiple damp wash cloths littered over her own body. So many wash cloths. It’s weird, but she [...]
Goldberg: Fix me, Jesus Goldberg: Perseverance Alone “Shitballs,” she exclaims. He isn’t black or dangerous looking. Nor is he wearing the ribbed tank top she had imagined. And there is no sign of a gun. In fact, he is more of a she. Or it is hard to tell. But the clothing suggests female. Her [...]
Goldberg: Fix me, Jesus She forces herself out the door. It’s one hundred and ten degrees and the streets are empty. Even desert people know when to stay inside. But she is not exactly a desert person…yet. Though the idea of a day spent in the dark watching Mulholland Drive and eating Egg-McMuffins sounds really [...]
She’s already feeling shaky, but she reaches for the coffee beans anyway. She wants the ritual. Boiling the water, grinding the beans, setting the timer, pushing down the French press. Everything is a little bit off this morning. She can’t count on herself—her mood. This irritates her. Yesterday, everything had seemed possible; she could smell [...]
