The Girl Who Learned To Kneel

I was momentarily considering taking a job that would require writing five “newsflashes” every day for a blog at an inordinately low price. My husband talked me out of such madness, suggesting perhaps I didn’t need more things to distract me from the play I’m trying to write—let alone the fragmented brain required to come up with “newsflashes” five times a day.

On the up side: I thought it might be my free pass to an iphone. ‘Cause I think my life would be improved with an iphone.

Speaking of iphones. Have you heard about the new app for drunk people? If you’re smashed and shouldn’t be driving, you can check your iphone and be reminded of alternative modes of transportation. Um. The bus. The taxi. The friend’s car. Wow. That’s some app. But come to think of it, maybe that’s exactly what is needed. I am drunk. I have now forgotten the names of things on wheels. I look down just prior to falling over and notice that I am clutching my phone. My phone! Thank God for my phone. The end.

See how happy the nameless drunk person is with an iphone. I rest my case.

Lastly (but as a friend says, there is no ‘lastly’ on the internet)…in which case, not lastly…

Let’s talk about car trouble and taxi drivers who want twenty bucks to give you a boost. Fair? Perhaps. But. More compassion is needed for the soaking family by the side of the road. Thanks to you, kind gardeners for pausing your leaf blowing to suggest an alternative to a boost. And though it didn’t work, your generosity was noted and it would have made a great short film. The diverting of traffic. The rain. You and Simon pushing. Me in the driver’s seat praying for a car cure and pumping all the pedals. Was I not supposed to do that?

That would be all for today’s “newsflashes.” Now I am extremely tired. I let out a big sigh ’cause it’s only 11:26 AM and there is so much day ahead. Did I mention I was tired? A little lunch brought to me on a pretty platter would be swell. Or just a tub of olives. Did I mention Elsie was teething? Pray for me. And her. Both of us. Seriously.