You are so strong, when the day weighs, we too feel the weight also. I encourage you for as an example to keep the movement only going forward.

Psalms 25:
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress.
18 Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.

I too feel the need to bow to pressure, money is tight, freedom has become boredom and my fruitful goals have attracted fruit flies. My own sabbatical of discovery is causing a very deep sense of guilt and unworthiness to creep in. Thank God that my love, that is my friend who is also my wife, still encourages me to find happiness. And I believe yours does also. I will pray for you if you do the same for me.