The Girl Who Learned To Kneel

I think the Koodo phone sales guy was flirting with me. I’m always a little surprised by flirtation because I feel like such a Mom (and in no way a MILF)…with the stains on my clothes and the greasy hair. Apparently that’s hot? Anyway, Koodo phone sales guy, Jordan, says: “Do you work out like nine times a day? Like are you constantly getting down and doing crunches? I mean I just can’t figure out how that baby can be yours.” Right. Well admittedly, I was taken aback and then, of course, flattered. I mean, you do a new mother’s heart good by talking about her solid core. You really do. I muttered something about my exercise regime and doing gymnatics when I was eleven, which seemed to give me permanent biceps. I don’t think he listened, more just stared at my, um, “core,” which was kind of uncomfortable. Fortunately for baby. My baby. The baby that is all mine and most definitely belonging to my body, Koodo boy. Elsie can change the mood on a dime by 1) screaming 2) cackling like a witch (yes, she does!) 3) violently removing articles of clothing. In this case she screamed and arched her back, a signal that she was prepared to hurl herself out of the stroller if I didn’t come to her rescue NOW. Time to revel in flattery officially OVER. At which point my own mood shifted abruptly as well to something more along the lines of: “NO MORE TALKING, JORDAN!!!!! YOUR HONEYED WORDS ARE NOW OLD AND ANNOYING. DO YOU SEE THE BABY READY TO FREAK OUT?!!!! GET ME MY PHONE BEFORE I FREAK OUT BIGGER.” Yeah something like that. Everything must end.