The Girl Who Learned To Kneel

Goldberg: She Speaks

This time she sits up with a jolt.

“Goldberg,” she calls into the hot apartment air.

“Yes?” Goldberg pokes her head out of the kitchen, revealing a coral nightie and big panda slippers. She appears to have slipped into something more comfortable while Laser was busy fainting. Her legs are hairy, but she has perfectly shaped breasts. She walks over to the white board and begins to scribble.

“Are you a credit card thief?” Laser blurts out. She grabs a magazine to shield her pregnant belly from the retaliation that is sure to come from so bold a question. One doesn’t tend to broach criminals with such frankness. Like, you don’t walk up to a drug-dealer and query: “Are you selling drugs?” That would be idiotic.

“Shitballs! I’ve been discovered!” Goldberg exclaims. Though Laser doesn’t detect anything resembling worry in her voice…not to mention the fact, that she said ‘shitballs.’ Laser says ‘shitballs.’ She heard it in a movie once and adopted the phrase immediately. It is disconcerting hearing the expression in a mouth other than her own.

“What if I am?” Goldberg asks pointedly.

“Well go ahead, I just wanted to know.” Laser retreats. She’s never been a good fencer. Her sport in university was bowling. Not by choice.

“In that case, yes. Yes. YES! Goldberg Fields is a fraud artist. One of the best. Any more questions?”

Laser can’t help it. She starts to cry. She hears herself say: “But why me?”