Today I suddenly felt like I didn’t actually want to give birth anymore. The baby in my arms sounds nice…but not the birth.
Whereas up until today I’ve been seeing the whole birthing experience as this great adventure, all of a sudden I felt repulsed and terrified by the upcoming ordeal (perhaps akin to Chevron’s ongoing shudder at the mere mention of the womb anatomy).
Like, I don’t wanna push a grapefruit out of a toothpaste cap. I certainly don’t want to get any fatter. And I don’t want to learn any more about my body. I am no longer earth woman; I am a squeamish Princess. Don’t talk to me about the womb, or the the placenta, and certainly not the placement of the uterus. In fact, let’s just not talk.
Probably this onslaught of doubts is normal, right? I have to say the student midwife wasn’t terribly comforting. When she asked if I had any questions, and I actually had a question, the question seemed to make her uncomfortable: “As we were driving here today, I suddenly didn’t want to have the baby. Is that normal?” She stared at me, puzzled. Dumbfounded…with no retort…whatsoever. Clearly this wasn’t normal. The midwife jumped in with: “It’s normal to feel overwhelmed.” “Right…that’s how I feel…overwhelmed,” I fumbled. This admission seemed to clear the air and we moved on to breast shells. You don’t wanna know. Or maybe you do?
I’m okay now. I rented Casablanca and stole two roses from our neighbour’s garden. Just don’t ask me about my birth plan. All in good time.
6 Comments
That’s exactly what I thought/felt when I was pregnant with Paul – I guess I must have been somewhat abnormal too! (instead of grapefruit/toothpaste cap I always used watermelon/nostril… – but somehow it makes no difference, really…). Anyway, I have been enjoying your blogs. By the way, Paul, Luke & Marc have been missing Simon…
Thanks for comment! Nice to know there is understanding…:) I dig the watermelon/nostril metaphor – evokes more -
Say ‘hi’ to your family from us!
here you go, although it ain’t so silky smooth I’ve been booted out twice, a little rattled in my blogging capabilities now!
persevere blogger!
First of all, I love all the new stuff (the pic at the top, all chopped up and graphic-like, etc) and secondly, thanks for the mention
Thirdly, this piece made me howl – and I just watched “baby mama”, the Tina Fay flick, and you now totally need to see it cause you will also get the laugh you need!
I love you
I LOVE the new look! Wow. its amazing darling. I dont want to have a baby either. But today, at the gym, just after my workout (all sweaty and such) the woman who was using the locker beside me thrust her baby boy into my arms while she put on her jacket. I have to admit. I liked holding him. It was a strange and unfamiliar sensation.
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