The Girl Who Learned To Kneel

I feel cute today. I’m wearing a new shirt my mother bought me – babydoll – the kind that are really trendy right now – with a winsome green sweater. It’s a delightful combination. I imagine people looking at me, wondering if I’m a celebrity hiding behind those trendy sunglasses. In reality, I’m pretty sure they’re not thinking anything of the sort, but my husband calling me beautiful when I’m sitting on the toilet with zits blaring has inflated my ego. And when it’s sunny out, and kind of breezy, you just feel good and popular (even if you don’t have any friends). I’ve learned that coffee shops are the answer. Go where it’s busy and you’ll feel quite full by the end. Not satiated – the way you might after an intense conversation with a good friend, but full – like you’ve had enough interaction for the day. At the same time I have heavier things on my mind. Last week we went to Saddleback (mega, mega church in Orange County with pastor Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life – which I have not read, and probably won’t cause I tend not to read anything that’s popular in Evangelical culture, right or wrong – breath). Anyway, his guest was Bishop John Rucyahana, a Rwandan genocide survivor and leader in the country. It is astounding what is happening in Rwanda today. It is now considered the safest country in Africa, despite the fact that in 1994 1 million Rwandans were killed (by one another) in 100 days. This country has since learned to be reconciled, because, as the Bishop said, they have no choice. They have no luxury. They have no choice. I feel torn between the frivolity of my cute green sweater and baby doll blouse and what’s happening in the world. I would like to go to Rwanda. Maybe wear the green sweater and give it away. A symbolic gesture of what I need to release.